"Breaking Free from the Blame Game: A Journey to Accountability"

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Hello, hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to the Diary of Black Women Podcast.

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I'm your host, Connie Morris, and I'm thrilled to have you join me for another

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episode in our series, The Games We Play With God.

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In today's episode, the game of blaming others.

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It's a game as old as humanity itself, pointing fingers and shifting responsibilities

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to avoid accountability.

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I like it. It's a game of pointing fingers and shifting responsibility to avoid accountability.

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While it might feel more effortless at the moment, blaming others prevent growth,

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healing, and restoration.

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We explore the story of Adam and Eve who play this game in the Garden of Eden

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and discuss how we take responsibility and move forward in grace.

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If you ever struggle with blaming others for your mistakes, guess what?

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This episode is for you.

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Now, let's talk about Adam and Eve and the blame game.

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So let's turn to Genesis 3, verses 11 through 13.

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And this incident happened after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and when

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God confronted them, when God made the correction.

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And he said, because Adam was hiding, they were hiding from God.

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And so, and Adam yelled out, how come you're hiding?

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He says, because we're naked. And God says, who told you you were naked?

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Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?

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The man said, the woman you put me here, here with me, she gave me some fruit

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from the tree and I ate it.

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Then the Lord God said to the woman, what is this you have done?

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The woman said, the serpent deceived me and I ate.

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Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, neither took full responsibility for their action.

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And as a result, they face the consequences of their disobedience.

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So blaming, okay, let's just pause here, because we know that the fruit did

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not just, was forced in their mouth.

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No one was held hostage and forced to eat the fruit.

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We know that Eve grabbed the fruit, that the devil made a suggestion.

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Eve took the suggestion, took a bite, and gave some to her husband, and he took a bite.

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And then God says, remember, if God saw looking at Abel and Cain's offering,

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you know he was there already.

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So he had the answer before he gave them the test. Here we go.

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So blaming others delay personal accountability and creates barriers in our

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relationship with God and others.

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So I'm trying to understand Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent,

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neither took for responsibility. Let's keep going.

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Are there areas in your life where you keep shifting the blame instead of owning

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your actions? Why do we blame others?

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It often comes down to fear, pride, or avoidance. Here's what it looks like.

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One, we fear consequences. Consequences. We blame to avoid punishment or fallout

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from our actions. Pride.

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We admit fog. Emitting fog can feel like a blow to our ego, so we deflect instead. So we deflect.

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Lack of accountability. Taking responsibility requires humility and vulnerability,

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which can be uncomfortable.

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So why do we blame others? Fear of consequences, pride, and lack of accountability.

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Matthew 7.3 says it best. It says, why do you look at the speck of sawdust in

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your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plaint in your own eye?

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Blaming others keep us focused outward instead of inward, where true growth begins.

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What are the consequences of blaming others? Blaming others might feel like

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an easy way out, but here are the serious consequences.

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Number one, it damages relationships.

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Blame, the blame game creates a division and it wears trust between people, right?

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Especially if you're both there. You both knew the responsibility would happen,

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but yet you blame each other.

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That's kind of like the way the criminals do, right? The bad boys.

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He did it, he did it, he did it, he did it. Actually, you sat at the planning

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table and you planned it. You just happen to get busted. They separate you.

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And now they're pinning each one against each other. When we're in reality, we both plan this out.

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And so it damages relationships. It hinders growth. Without accountability,

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we miss opportunity to learn and grow.

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And what would it be like if you said, well, yeah, I did eat the fruit.

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Well, we know you ate the fruit because God saw you eat the fruit. What would it change?

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I don't know. So what would have changed in the garden when God called them

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and said, you know, Lord, can you forgive us?

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We did eat the fruit. Would that change anything?

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I just wonder, with honesty, would it change anything?

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Because he asked them, why are you hiding? Where are you, Adam?

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He said, we're hiding because we're naked. And then God says,

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well, who told you you were naked?

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What happened if he was standing there naked and just says, Lord, we did something wrong.

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We're going to need your help. I wonder if that had changed anything.

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And number three, a strained relationship with God. Blame shows a lack of repentance,

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which can hinder our spiritual connection.

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So we see here, blaming others, damaged relationships, It hinders our growth,

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and it puts a strained relationship with God.

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But we can get it straight, according to 1 John 1, 9, get it right,

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right back relationship with God.

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It says, according to 1 John 1, 9, it says, If we confess our sins,

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He is faithful and just, and will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

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That means that if we just come to him and we confess our sins,

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that he is faithful and he is just and he will forgive us.

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So taking responsibilities opened the door for God's forgiveness and restoration.

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So how do we even break free from blaming others?

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Because we see that God will forgive us, but how do we stop,

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break free from pointing the fingers at each other?

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Breaking free from blame, the blame game requires intentional steps. Here's how to do it.

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You acknowledge your role. Be honest with yourself and God about your actions.

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Lamentations 340 says, let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord.

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I like that. It says, let us just kind of self-reflect what just happened here.

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I'll commit something Adam could have done, something Cain could have done, right?

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Let us just stop and let's reflect here. What just happened here?

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Even in the argument that you have with a friend, a neighbor.

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A foe, or whoever, what just happened here?

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Why are we, well, okay, that was my fault. We acknowledged our fault. I'm sorry. I was upset.

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Maybe I called you out of your name or whatever that incident got started.

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So we want to examine our way. And when we want to return to the Lord,

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we want to repent and just turn back to God and get it right.

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Number two, seek forgiveness. Ask forgiveness from God and those affected by your action.

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James 5, 16 reads.

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God always has a way of getting us back together.

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He's not the author of division or confusion.

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So we admit our role, we seek forgiveness, and number three, we commit to growth.

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We use the mistake as an opportunity to learn and to grow in Christ.

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Not that I have already obtained all this or have already arrived at my goal,

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but I press on and take hold of what Christ Jesus took hold of.

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And so we have this commitment to grow.

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This is such a powerful tool and we can use it in our everyday life, right?

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And that's what the Bible is. It's our tool for life. It's our instruction book

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for life. So we acknowledge our role.

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So we be honest with God about our actions. So we examine our ways and we just

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let Lord and test them and return to the Lord. We seek forgiveness.

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We ask forgiveness from God.

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And those affected by our actions, and then we take that mistake,

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and we learn, and we grow from it.

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So let's take some decrees here. It says, let's declare some truths together

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to embrace accountability and let go of blame.

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I think if we ever can do that as an individual, as a couple,

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even as a nation, I think things will be better, right?

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So I decree that I will take responsibility from my actions and seek God's forgiveness.

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I decree that I will approach challenges with humility, learning and growing from my mistakes.

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And I decree that I will build trust by being honest and accountable in my relationships.

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So for this week, areas where you blame others instead of owning your actions,

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I think this can happen too, even if you had like a child, a terrible childhood.

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And sometimes even as we grow up into a dust and our life is still not quite

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right, we want to still blame our parents.

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But there's a point as we grow up that we have to take responsibility for our actions.

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And so if you're still blaming your mom or your dad or somebody,

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we have to pretty much say, you know, okay, I'm an adult now.

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I need to take responsibility from here.

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Yeah, they did something terrible to me, but I got to take responsibility from here.

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What can I do differently, take responsibility for my mistake?

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And how can I seek forgiveness and rebuild and trust in my relationships?

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How can we do that? How can I just start this thing over and stop blaming others?

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Sometimes it's an automatic thing. We want to take that blame off of us. And my dad did this.

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So that's why my dad smoked weed, so I'm going to smoke weed. or my dad did this.

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So we are in that generation where we want to push the responsibility off of

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ourselves, take the spotlight off of us and put it on maybe someone else so

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that we don't have to grow up in a sense.

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But a lot of times, many times we need to stop blaming others for our stupidity

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and just go with the flow and just say, okay, it's time for me to grow up.

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It's time for me to grow up. There was a time in my life for,

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I was pretty much, and that's why I can say this, as an adult,

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had a terrible childhood.

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It wasn't that terrible. It was terrible enough.

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And I was just doing the stuff that really didn't make sense.

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I was young, just doing stuff that didn't make sense.

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But then I became of age, and I was still doing childish things.

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But then I was like, well, you know, I had a bad childhood, so I'm going to

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just blame it on that. But I made an effort to try to make good with my dad, who has now passed.

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And I said, I'm going to make it good with my dad. And I just made an effort.

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Not that it was perfect, but I did my part in that relationship.

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Not that he changed or anything. I just made it my effort to change the way I saw him.

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He was older. What I did for him, respect and honor him, like the Bible said, and just did my part.

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So when he passed, I wasn't the one making a big fuss. I just did as I was...

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Do. I honored him when he was alive.

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And when he passed, it was such

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a freeing thing because I did what I was supposed to do when he was alive.

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I didn't have that regret that I didn't do what I was supposed to do,

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that I should have did it when he was alive.

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So if you have a parent, a sister or a brother that may have done you wrong,

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and you're still blaming that person for some things,

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yeah, they have done you wrong.

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They probably really have done you wrong.

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And there's no reason that they might have even done you wrong.

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They're probably still doing you wrong.

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But at the point, you just have to say, I'm going to just forgive you. I'm going to let that go.

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I'm no longer going to take responsibility for that.

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I'm not going to hold that against you and I'm going to move on with my life.

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That's a big burden to do that. It was a big burden for me to do that.

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But when I did that, it just felt freeing. It was no longer this heavy burden

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that I carry. I don't know how to explain it.

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And so a lot of times we have to approach it in humility and not expect a change

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in their reaction. That's the thing.

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When I went to my dad, I didn't expect him to change.

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I expect, of course, we expect him to change, to go in that embrace that we

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see in the movies that didn't happen in real life.

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He said, get away from me. I don't want you to talk to me.

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But yet, I supplied him with the things he needed. He was an older, my dad still.

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Yeah, he was still the same mean dad that he was. when, you know,

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he wasn't always mean, but as he got older, he got meaner, but he was still my dad,

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regardless of his attitude and his feelings towards me, for some reason,

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was not of love as he was when he was, when he was, you know,

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living in a home, but I still treated him with the honor and respect and the things that he needed.

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And, and, and he, every time it was like, he was fussing and always fussing with me.

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I would take him what he needed, stick up for him when I needed to be,

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you know, because I'm still the oldest, the eldest of the family.

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And I just took my responsibility and I just took the fuss and I didn't,

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he wanted to fuss. I just like, I'm not going to fuss with you, dad.

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My goal is to honor you. I have to honor you.

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And sometimes, and that honor doesn't always come with authority.

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That honor back. And so we always want that movie relationship that they show us in the movies.

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And I don't know who made that movies up, but that don't usually happen.

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And until he died, he was still fussing with me.

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But on his death, he was still honored by me because of my relationship with

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God. That's the hardest part.

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And so I took my responsibility, whichever that res with maybe the dishonor

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when I was mad at him and didn't speak to him for years.

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But then I came back and helped him.

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And I don't know if I asked for forgiveness, but I treated him with honor and respect.

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And so in that practical challenge I want you to do, that's why I share that with you.

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So if identify an instance when you've shifted the blames recently,

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like instead of saying like, I'm not going to talk to you because you didn't talk to me.

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Just change that. I'm going to reach out to you whether you reach out to me or not.

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Maybe you want to apologize for the

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people involved or commit to taking accountability for different things.

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Sometimes we do play a part in these relationships, not the Adam and Eve part

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because you saw that relationship was different.

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It was Adam. Adam could at any time sit up and said, that he knew the rules

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and he could have knocked the apple, orange, whatever that Eve was.

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Knocked the curiosity out of her hand, right?

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But Adam blamed Eve and that's how that story goes.

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So it's in that generational thing that happens in our lives that Adam did not

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stick up for Eve at that time.

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So Eve took it upon herself to be the sampler of the fruit.

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But then Eve didn't take responsibility either. He blamed it on the devil, right?

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And so at one point in our life, we have to take what's our responsibility.

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Our responsibility is whatever that part is, stop shifting the blame,

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apologize, take accountability, get from that and be able to move on in your life.

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I just want to say it's freeing.

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It's not going to be pretty. It's going Don't be messy, messy, messy, very messy.

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They may never turn around, even if you have to write a letter to that person.

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They may read the letter, and it might be one of those cheerful moments where

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they forgive, and you guys make up and be sisters again, brothers again.

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Or it might just be they might not want to talk to you ever again.

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But at least you, the Bible tells us that be at peace with everyone if it's up to you.

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So you do your part and then let God do his part.

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Let's just pray. Heavenly Father,

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I thank you for your grace and your patience with us as we fall short.

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Forgive us for the times we blame others instead of taking responsibility for our actions.

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Teach us to walk in humility and accountability, trusting in your power to restore

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and grow us when we need to sometime grow up, Lord. Thank you.

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Help us to be honest with you, ourselves, and those around us.

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Help us, Lord, for those out there to take the bold step.

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To handle and take accountability or take responsibility or even to write the

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letter or make that call to make it right in your eyes, Lord,

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and that you will do the rest.

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And I just thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

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I thank you for joining me on this episode, the games we play with God.

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If today's message spoke with you, share with someone who needs it and subscribe

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so you don't miss a future episode.

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The next episode, game number 17, is a game of doubting God's promises.

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So until next time, stay honest, stay humble, take responsibility,

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take accountability, take the first steps, and be blessed. Amen.