Overcoming the Comparison Trap: Lessons from Cain and Abel

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Bingo. Hello and welcome back to Diary of a Black Woman podcast.

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I'm your host Connie Morris and today we're diving into another insightful episode

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in our series of games we play with God.

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Oh yes, it keeps going. It's like the ever ready bunny.

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These episodes are so good to me and I hope they are good to you.

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Today's episode is titled, The Games of Comparing Ourselves to Others.

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Ouch! Whether it's on social media, at work, in our ministry,

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comparison can rob us of joy and distort our sense of purpose.

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Instead of embracing who God created us to be, we get caught up trying to measure up to others.

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We explore, today we'll explore the story of Cain and Abram,

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familiar story, to see how comparison led to jealousy, sin, and even the killing of a brother.

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If you ever struggle with comparing yourself to others, what I always say, this episode is for you.

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So let's go to Genesis 4, chapter 4, verses 3 to 7,

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where we pick up the story of Genesis 4, verses 3 to 7, where we pick up the story of Cain and Abel.

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In the course of time, Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.

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Abel also brought an offering, fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.

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The rare looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering,

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he did not look with favor.

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So Cain was furious and his face was downcast.

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Let's notice the Lord's look.

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So the Lord has a look. This kind of came to me just now as I was reading this.

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That the Lord looked at Abel's offering, and then he looked at Cain's offering.

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Let's pay attention that God is looking at how we give.

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He's looking at our hearts. He's looking.

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He's looking. He's looking. He's looking. So we see in the story of Cain and

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Abel that God has a look that he gives when you obey, and he has a look that

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he gives when you disobey, right?

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And so Cain moved that he disobeyed.

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That's the thing. It says here in that latter part of the verse,

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it says, The Lord looked with favor on Abel in his offering,

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but in Cain in his offering, he did not look with favor.

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So Cain was furious and his face was downcast.

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So he knew right away that God did not like his offering. So what could he have done?

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He could have said, Lord, how can I make this offering better for you?

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How could I make this offering better for you?

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But no, it's frustrated. Furious is frustrated, right? He says,

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Lord, why don't you like my offering?

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And he had an opportunity if you continue reading. It says, sin lays at the door.

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So we had an opportunity to make it right.

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The title of this one is comparing ourselves to others. So we get a chance to make it right.

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Comparison leads to what? Jealousy, resentment, and actions that pulls us further from God's will.

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So where in life are you allowing comparison to steal your joy?

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So here's this comparison with Cain and Abel.

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The comparison was Cain knew that God didn't want his offering.

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He could have said, hey, Abel, could you give me some fresh?

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I can do some biting with you, give you some fresh herbs for one of those lambs,

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you know, so I can get my offering right with God.

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Because immediately he knew it wasn't right because immediately it said he,

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like it didn't say immediately, but he knew that it wasn't right because there

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was a reaction to not having it right.

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I'm just saying, y'all, you know, we, in our hearts, we know that we're so connected

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with God that when we don't do something right, that we know it wasn't right.

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So how do we make it right?

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How do we make it right? Where in your life are you allowing comparison to steal your joy?

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Comparison is more than a bad habit. It's a spiritual trap. Here are some of

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the dangers. Like you hear the sirens and lights go off.

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I don't have any type of effects I probably do, but I don't want to mess anything

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up here So it says, number one, you know it's a danger when it breeds discontentment

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Instead of appreciating our blessings, we focus on what others have.

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You know, you're like, you have a nice car Maybe your car ain't that nice,

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but it's running, right?

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And you know you like a nice car instead of you,

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it's just being thankful for what you have and what you can't afford you're

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going to become angry and become discontent and do what?

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Focus on I wish I had a what do you call those I don't know all the fancy cars

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but a fancy car you can't afford or a fancy car you only can ride in the summer

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but you live in a winter state I'm just saying.

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Infuse jealousy like cane Comparesing can lead to envy and strained relationship.

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As we see in that Bible verse, and I just saw it, it was my first time seeing

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it, is that Cain could have made it right.

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But he chose to be furious. He chose not to make it right.

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It says, the Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering.

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So apparently, they're both taking an offering to the Lord.

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The Lord had to look for Cain's offering. He had to look for Abel's offering.

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So if he looked good, he had a look of pleasing to Abel's offering,

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wouldn't Cain figure it out like, duh, I think I better go bring something like

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that that Cain has, that Abel has.

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And number three, it distracts from God's purpose. We miss out on our unique

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calling when we're too busy to imitate someone else or we don't want to get

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it right because we're too prideful.

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So number one, danger of comparison, it breeds discontent, it fuels jealousy,

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it distracts from God's purpose.

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Galatians 6, 4 through 5 says, each of you should test your own actions.

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Then you can take pride in yourself alone without comparing yourself to someone else.

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For each one carries their own load.

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You know, Paul has a way with words.

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He just says, each of you should test your own actions. Then carry pride in

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yourself alone without comparing yourself to someone else.

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Each one should carry their own load.

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God has a unique purpose for each of us, and comparison blinds us to the beauty of that purpose.

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How do we deal with that in today's time? We may not be bringing offerings to

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the altar like Cain and Abel, but comparison shows up in our lives in many ways.

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And once again, that social media scrolling, measuring your life against carefully created posts.

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Like I told you, some of those posts be fake.

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You can tell. You can look at a post and say, dang, they had to stage that just

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perfectly edited, just perfectly to get you to sit there and watch that perfectly

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edited post. How do I know?

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Because if you are a creator or creator.

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You know what it takes to get the perfect post a lot of time, right?

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For them to scroll, to get that look so they can get paid. And so you're getting

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jealous over a video that looks like it's 37 minutes, but you know they spent

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about three hours at that location.

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That's a lot of work, a lot of energy. Number two, career and success.

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Feeling inadequate because someone else got the promotional recognition.

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Yeah, we don't know what they're doing, though. You know, like I said,

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I just resigned from a job that was, like, going to require a lot of energy and time and space.

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And I realized that I can tell you this, right?

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So I'm working this job, and I'm up late trying to complete this assignment

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because I have a 24-hour time spot where you want to complete your,

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write your notes and get it in the 24-hour window.

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And no sooner than I submit my session notes, the person already on the other

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end is already approving it.

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So I'm like, whoa, somebody's up this late?

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That's how I know that it just wasn't me thinking it was too much work.

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Everybody's working too much. I was just the only one who decided that that

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was not going to be sustainable for me.

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So when you're looking at someone else's promotional recognition you don't know

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what they're doing behind the door at 11.30 at night while you were there slaving

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and they had the nerve to approve something that late,

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were you waiting for it?

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I mean like wow so don't ever.

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Be that comparison role because you don't know what they're doing behind those

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doors to get the work that they're putting in the hours they're putting in People

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are tired, but no one's saying anything.

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They're just working quietly.

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I don't know why I got on that note, but let's go. Spiritual gifts.

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Comparing your ministry, prayer life, and spiritual journey to others.

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This one will get you. This one will get you. All of them will get you.

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When you are comparing yourself to others, because what I'm doing behind closed

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doors, doing my podcast, nobody knows what I'm doing behind closed doors.

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Nobody knows when I'm up praying but you guys,

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no one knows I'm up praying early in the morning I'm spending my time writing

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my devotionals speaking during my podcast nobody knows what I'm doing so when

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God decides that he's going to promote me big.

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No one knows that in the public eye. It's not a big, no one knows me.

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My name is not, not knowing on the, and it's kind of good because I'm like,

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being famous, I think is too much. Sometimes you just want to be lower profile.

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I shouldn't say that, then I'm going to go for large.

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But it's like, sometimes you just want to be quiet in the background,

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doing what God told you to do. God told you to do this, I'm doing it quietly, right?

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But you don't know that people, you don't know what I have to do to get what

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I need to get done for God.

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But then you get in a spot where God maybe makes your name famous,

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but he still requires you to do what you did privately, right?

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And so you're comparing apples to oranges, but you don't know the work that's

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required to get and to sustain that fame.

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In the negative and in the positive, we find out some things are behind closed

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doors with the people who are famous too, right? And so don't compare yourself

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to what you see on a scroll.

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Don't compare yourself to somebody else's career and successes.

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And don't compare your spiritual gifts to others. Because what God has called

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you to do, you do that at the best that he's called you to do.

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Amen. Let's keep going. Ephesians 2.10.

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For we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good work,

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which God prepared in advance for you.

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So you are God's handiwork. He knows what you can do for him.

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So do your best for him. He's your boss.

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We are uniquely designed for a purpose.

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And no one else can fulfill what God has called us to do. So do your business.

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Mind your own business. Do you when you can do you. Amen.

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How to break free from comparison. How do you break free from this? Focus on gratitude.

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Thank God for your new unique blessing in your life.

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Give thanks to all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

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Thank you, Lord, for this gift.

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Thank you for this gift. And then now you're focusing on God and the gift he's given you.

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You have gratitude for what you're able to do.

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You're too busy with that to be looking at somebody else's gift. Hello.

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Celebrate other successes. You're like, ooh, I'm glad you're good on that one

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because I know what it takes to get to that level.

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So celebrate other successes. Choose to rejoice in others instead of envying them.

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Romans 12, 15 reads, rejoice with others. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

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Mourn with thirst who mourn. Say, hey, you made it to 100,000 views.

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Oh, hallelujah. I know you're putting in the work. I know you're putting in the work.

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Right? Number three, embrace your identity in Christ.

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Remind yourself of who you are in Christ and your unique purpose he has for you.

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Psalms 139.14 tells us that I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Your works are wonderful and I know for well. Just praise God that you are made

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in his image and you know you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

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So just thanking him that he even created you for this particular time, right?

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So we don't have time to be comparing ourselves to others if we're filled with

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gratitude, if we're celebrating others, and if we are embracing our identity in Christ.

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So let's do some decrees to overcome some comparison challenges.

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Number one, I decree that I am uniquely created and deeply loved by God.

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I decree that I will celebrate others' blessings without envy or jealousy.

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I decree that I will focus on God's purpose for my life and walk confidently in my calling.

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Let's go. What are some practical things you can do?

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How do you keep yourself from falling in the trap of comparison?

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Ask yourself, how has comparison been affecting my relationship with God and

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others? It can get in the way.

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Because you're saying to God that you don't like what he created.

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And so I want to be more like them.

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Right? And he's like, wait a minute. What about what I created you to be?

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What steps can I do to focus on gratitude and purpose for this week?

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Purpose on just being happy being you You know, a lot of We got this big It's

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always been around, but weight loss craze I think I don't know if it's eyelashes

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are new, but eyelashes You know,

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everything that's been out there is nothing new They just kind of revamp it,

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They'll say, you know, new healthy nail polish and you put it on your nails

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just as damaged as the other nails, the other nail gels that they have, you know.

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But what is a trap of comparison for you?

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And why is that? What is that insecurity that you have that you want to be so,

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I want to be like them or better than them?

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I had a friend. I don't know if she's still my friend or not.

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I always wanted to have the biggest, the baddest, and the best.

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And then you look and you go like, and then she'll get it.

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And then she'll put it on and be that girl for that day.

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And then next you know, you'll find it right in the closet on the floor because

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it was just for that day to outdo everybody.

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But it really didn't really mean anything. It was that I want to be that girl for that day.

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You know once again you can even start a gratitude journal.

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And just be thankful for what God is already doing in your life you know that

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could be something you can do though to stop that comparison thing and nothing

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you can do is you can fast some of this media stuff or start your own start

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something new and unique for you you know stop being a copycat start being an original.

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I'm going to start I'm going to close this out in prayer Heavenly Father,

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thank you for creating each of us uniquely with a purpose and plan only that we can fulfill.

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Forgive us for the times we've compared ourselves to others and allow jealousy

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or discontentment to take root in our heart.

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Teach us to walk confidently in our identity in Christ and to celebrate the

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blessings of others with joy.

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Help us to keep our eyes on you and the unique path you've set for us.

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In Jesus' name, pray. Amen. Sorry about that cough.

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Came on suddenly. Thank you for joining me on this episode, The Games We Play With God.

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If today's episode encouraged you, share with a friend, subscribe,

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so you don't miss any future episodes.

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Our next episode will be game number 16, The Game of Blaming Others.

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So until next time, stay grateful, Stay purpose And don't compare yourself to

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others Start your own thing And be blessed Amen Till next time Bye bye.