Prioritize God's Voice: Overcoming the Need for Approval

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Hello, family, and welcome back to the Diary of a Black Woman podcast.

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I'm your host, Connie Morris, and we're diving into yet another essential conversation

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in our series, In the Games We Play with God.

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Today's episode is called The Game of Seeking Approval from Others.

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This is one of the most common games we play, putting more weight on the opinions

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of people than on what God says about us.

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While it's natural to want connection and affirmation, seeking human approval

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above God's approval can lead us away from his purpose from our lives.

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We'll explore the story of our famous person, King Saul, who lost his kingdom

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because he prioritized the approval of people over obedience to God.

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If you ever struggle with people-pleasing or letting others' opinion define

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you, this episode is for you.

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Wow. People-pleasing is a thing. We know that, don't we?

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People-pleasing is a thing. So let's go to 1 Samuel 15, verses 24 to 26.

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We know about Samuel. We know about, not Samuel. We know about King Saul.

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We know that he just disobeyed God's commandment. But why? There was that whole

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pressure to disobey God.

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So after disobeying God's command to complete this story of the Amalekites,

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Saul admitted to Samuel. Then Saul said to Samuel, I have sinned.

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I violate the Lord's command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men,

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and so I gave it to them. Wow.

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We see here that Saul's purpose, we cover Saul in a lot of the earlier episodes

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about him not completely obeying God.

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We never got to the hidden reason why he never, that he didn't obey God.

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And one of the hidden reasons we see here, I'm going to read it again.

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It says, I violated the Lord's command and your instructions.

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I was afraid of the men, and so I gave it to them. Saul sure of losing the people's

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approval caused him to compromise his obedience to God.

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This wasn't the first time Saul prioritized people over God,

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and it cost him his kingship.

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When we seek human approval over God, we compromise our integrity,

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our calling, and our relationship to Him.

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Are there areas in your life where you are compromising obedience to gain approval of others?

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This is very serious, especially in the church, especially in your job.

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When we do things for the approval of men, especially when God has told you to do something else.

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There was a situation I remember as a leader at my church, and the Lord had

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asked me to do something, and then the pastor asked me to do something.

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And it was about the same thing, right? And I chose to follow not the Lord, but the pastor.

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And when I got home, when we talked about the correction of the Lord, the Lord corrected me.

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And he says, kind of you have put this man above me. And he didn't call him

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a pastor. He called him the man above me.

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And I felt really, really bad because I knew what to do.

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I just didn't want to make the pastor look bad because I knew there was just

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a lot of stuff going on in my head.

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And at the end of the day, I had to make a decision because apparently the things

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that the pastor was doing was not correct.

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And the Lord was using me to cause a correction in the ministry.

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And it was revving things the wrong way. What happened when God does that?

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He doesn't cause confusion. you know,

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And he doesn't cause a lot of division in the ministry, but he likes things the way he likes them.

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And I remember talking to the pastor about it, and he had determined to do the things his way.

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And so I couldn't really, like, I didn't want to cause any division,

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right? So I went, just kept the flow going towards the pastor's way.

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I know I'm kind of quiet now.

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But the Lord just, okay. And he gave me another opportunity,

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because God is like that, to get it right.

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And I went and I said, I did it this time.

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And I went and talked to my pastor. I said, this is what the Lord is showing me.

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And he knew it was right. And he kind of made the correction.

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But that was the hardest thing that I had to do but it was the right thing to do, right?

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And so the correction was made and I'm like, okay.

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But it kept occurring so it became this more of a conflict and so then I had

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to make a decision and so my decision was if you know to do something right

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and you keep doing it wrong so why aren't you listening to God?

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And so the Lord pretty much said, Connie, I need you to step down from this

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particular part of the ministry.

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And so I couldn't do that part of the ministry.

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I could only just be a participant that come to the church.

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And pretty soon, he pretty much removed me from that part of the church.

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And it was kind of a slow, steady move.

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But it was interesting. I don't know why I shared that. But this part right

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here is really six to my heart because...

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Things are happening. I don't want to go into too much detail.

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But seeking the approval of others is really hard when you're in.

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The dangers of trying to please people and God, you can get into this.

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You don't need to get in a conflict, but you will.

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And so I'm speaking from experience, and you always want to follow God.

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You always want to follow God.

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And that means those people you're trying to prove, please, they're going to

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be upset, but it's going to protect them in the end.

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So seeking approval might seem harmless, but it's real a spiritual consequence.

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It distracts us from God's voice. The more we seek affirmation from others,

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the harder it becomes to hear God's direction.

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Another thing comes when you seek approval from others. If you are a preacher,

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because I used to preach from the pulpit.

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And you're always looking for the sermon to get everybody jumping and dancing

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around. But you never gave me those type of sermons.

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Just like you don't get these type of sermons. You'll never get these type of sermons here.

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They're always direct to the word of God.

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You might get a happy one and we might be dancing for a minute.

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But the word God gives me are always just pure adulterated word because I guess

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we have enough dancing already in the pulpit, right?

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So he never really gives me the word that gets people dancing.

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And so if you are a person that likes the approval of people and God always

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give you this direct word, it's going to be hard for you to be like,

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I want the word where the spirit does fall.

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It does fall. The word of God is always powerful.

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Whenever you speak in the word of God, the Holy Ghost does show up and confirms

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signs, wonders, and miracles. But it's not going to be the evangelical where

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you're running around the church and the music is playing.

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No, he doesn't give me those type of sermons. I don't get those.

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You know, so it's powerful. It's impactful.

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He just gives me the direct to the heart, get it right sermons.

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Like it's time for those. It's not, I don't know what I call them.

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And you can probably put it in the comments, how they make you feel.

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So it's pretty much to get it right, get it right, get it right.

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We have some laughs, we have some fun, but I see the word of God as a way to get it right.

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And maybe because the way my career went out, I see things like people can get it right.

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I see people who fall off the ladder, but not because of them falling off,

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because no one held it up.

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No one guided them to help them get it right. So I feel like I'm that person.

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Like, people laugh at you when you fall off, but they should have been the one

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helping you hold the ladder up, you know, and helping you understand,

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like, this is how the ladder stands up.

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This is how you stay firm, really, with God.

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These are the things you do. Now, God is fun. I have fun with God.

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We have, oh, my gosh, just enjoying life with God is fun.

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But when it comes to his word, it's serious. It's a serious time because when

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you already have fun with him, you got to know when to have fun with him, right?

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Right. Okay. Let's keep going. So when you are seeking approval from others,

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if you are such a people pleaser that you want everybody to like you,

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you're going to have some problems.

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Right. Because everybody ain't for everybody.

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So it will distract you from the word.

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It will distract you from hearing God's voice. Right. Because you want,

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you don't want to hear God's voice. You want to hear the people voice.

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And so he's going to allow you to hear the people's voice, whatever that voice is.

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And so, like I said, I went home and that day he says, Connie,

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you have exalted this man or this pastor above me.

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And I said, how did I do that, Lord? He said, you knew what I asked you to do, but you didn't do it.

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And I said, I know I didn't want to cause any conflict.

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He says, I want you to do this now. And so I had to go have a meeting, explain something.

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And that was the hardest part, right? All of his heart. When God's talking to

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you, that's why I get that tone.

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Like, now I need you to do this part. And I went and talked and got it clear.

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And it went back to the same way.

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But then it removed me from that equation.

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So you always have to follow God's voice. When you follow God's voice,

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the people voice is mute.

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If you follow the people voice, God's voice is mute. You get me?

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God's voice is mute when you follow people. Follow people.

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You can mute the people voice, but only God. Both voices will not be active in your life.

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Number two, when you hear the people voice and you follow people voice, it leads to compromise.

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People pleasing often involves doing things you know aren't right or just fit.

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It's just for you to gain favor with the people. Why?

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Because you only get to preach. Come on, the pastor is a preacher at the church.

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You don't get to preach every week. You get to preach when they're on vacation

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or if there's an emergency.

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You're just not going to be up on the pulpit all the time.

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And so who are you going to be with most of the time? You're going to be with the people, right?

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And so you don't get to be on the pulpit all the time.

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And so if you are a people-pleasing person and you're called to the ministry,

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you're going to have some problems.

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And so that means you're going to be leaning more towards the people.

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Why? Because you're with the people most of the time.

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You're a leader, but you're with the people. And so it can lead to compromise.

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And so understanding you don't want to mute God's voice as you're with the people.

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So you always have to find a way to not even be with the people.

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So sometimes it's kind of a lonely place. Come go with us here.

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And then your goal, it's an odd place to be when you're called to the ministry.

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You have to stay in a neutral space.

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You got the leadership. You have the, we call it the sheep. But you can't hang

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out with the sheep all the time.

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It creates insecurities. The opinions of the people are ever-changing.

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Hello, they are ever-changing, leaving us in constant state of striving and uncertainty.

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They want you to be that way. They want you to find out what they like.

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So trying to be a people pleaser is always very insecure.

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It creates insecurity because they don't know what they want.

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Remember, they don't know what they want.

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One day they like you, one day they don't. One day they'll love you, one day they don't.

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Remember, my pastor says, kind of don't be on even care because the people are

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insecure. You'd be like, that's the truth. That's the truth.

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So the danger of seeking approval is it distracts you from God's voice.

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It leads to compromise and it creates insecurity.

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Galatians 1.10 says, am I trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?

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Or am I trying to please people?

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If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

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That is what Paul says. I'm going to read it again.

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Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?

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Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people,

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I would not be a servant of God.

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So even in Galatians 1.10, even Paul realized that there is this barrier between

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being a people pleaser and being a servant of God.

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When we focus on pleasing others, we lose sight of our true purpose as servants of God.

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You will serve the people, but God did not say please the people. Amen.

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So you're going to serve the people of God, but they're not going to always be happy.

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So pleasing them is not the plan. Serving them is the plan. Amen.

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It's always for their good. So how does this play out in the world when we seek approval for people?

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Modern days of seeking approval.

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Here are how we play games in today's world.

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Number one, social media validation. Posting likes, shares, or comments instead

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of sharing authentically.

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We want people to like us. We just want people to like us.

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And so right now we're like, dang, no one liked that video, so I got to take

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that down. Ooh, no one liked that comment, I got to take that down.

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I'm going to drink a water here. So we live off of these likes and dislikes of people.

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That can cause insecurity in itself, right?

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And here's one, fear of criticism, avoiding what God has called us to do because

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we're afraid of how others might react.

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But God has given me a mandate that I'm going to have to do,

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and I know it's going to upset the carpet, the apple cart, because people see you only as one thing.

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And once you say, you know, I'm going to be stepping down from that,

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it just upsets the apple cart.

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But that's just how it goes. But he's told me something in January,

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and it's going to happen in January.

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But it's like you've got to be ready for the people. Because the people are

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sheep, and sometimes the sheep will bite you. But you have to follow God.

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If you're a people-pleasing person, you can't be afraid of criticism.

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Conforming to the culture. Choosing what's popular over what's right to avoid standing out.

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God has a way of making you standing out. Everybody is gone.

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I think I have a picture on my website where you see a lady standing above the sheet.

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That's a leader. The leader is going to stand above the sheep and going to walk.

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She's just going to be that girl just standing above the sheep.

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So one thing about seeking approval, social media validation,

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you don't know if it's real or not.

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People just kind of watch your video and just kind of put a like.

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They might make a comment, a bad comment. You're like, I don't know, bro, they said that.

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Well, you put yourself out there. It's open for criticism and then conforming

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to the culture. What do they want?

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Romans 12 tells us this, do not conform to the patterns of this world,

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but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

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Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good,

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pleasing, and perfect will.

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So when you are not conformed to the world, then you're able to do what?

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Know what's God's will. What is God's will for you?

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What is his good will? What is his pleasing will? what is perfect will,

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when you're not so caught up in it.

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So like I said, that picture of just standing up away from the world will help

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you understand what's good, what's pleasing, and what's perfect for God,

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approving of God, right?

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When we seek God's approval, we are free to live authentically and boldly in his will. I love that.

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No one wants to be living superficially.

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But some do. Here's a big one. How do we stop seeking approval from others? How do we stop that?

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Ooh, how do we stop that? We stop by first spending time in prayer,

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in Scripture, realigning our priorities to His will.

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The Bible tells us in Matthew 6.33 that we have to seek first His kingdom and

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His righteousness, and all these things will be given to us.

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We seek first who? his kingdom, his righteousness.

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So we're so caught up in him that the world don't matter.

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We seek first his kingdom, his righteousness, and all that other stuff that

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you're looking for, it's all going to be added unto you, it says in Matthew 6, 33.

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So we seek God's approval first.

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Number two, we want to embrace your identity in Christ.

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In Ephesians 2, 10, it says, For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus

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to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

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Whose work? God's work.

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Whose handiwork? God's handiwork. Embrace your identity in Christ.

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So it's not the people identity.

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Let's get it right. Don't get it twisted.

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Embrace God's identity in Christ. Your identity in Christ.

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So whose work? God's handiwork. Created in who? Jesus. To do what? His good work.

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Where and why? Because he prepared for you in advance.

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So if you get caught up in pleasing people, you miss this. You miss God's approval.

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You miss getting all these things that had it to you. Come on now.

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You miss knowing that you're God's handiwork.

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You know, if I would have been prepared for you. And one more thing,

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one more thing. You develop boldness to stand for God.

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When you practice saying yes to God and no to anything that conflicts to his

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plans, you can just practice that.

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And Proverbs 29, 25 says it the best.

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It says, the fear of man will prove to be a snare for whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

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The fear of man will prove to be a snare. Why? Because they're so bold.

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They don't know what they want. They're wishy-washy. Wishy-washy means one day

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they like you, one day they don't.

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But whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

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So, who do you love? I love Jesus. Who approval do you seek? I seek God's approval.

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Who identity you have is in Christ.

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Whose handiwork is God's handiwork. Amen.

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And so, when you know who you are and whose you are and who approval you seek,

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You is able to stand in boldness for God.

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Let's get some decrees for God's

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approval. I decree that I will seek God's approval to align our hearts.

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I'm sorry. I decree that I seek God's approval but all else,

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trusting his purpose for my life.

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Whose approval? God's approval.

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I decree that my identity is rooted in Christ, not in the opinions of others.

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Whose identity? Christ's identity.

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I decree that I will barely stand for God's truth when it is unpopular. Whose truth?

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God's truth. So when you have that foundation, people will, they will know not

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to mess with you. Can I just say that, right?

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You know, they'll say, don't mess with Connie because she ain't going for that okie-dok, right?

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Okie-dok mean that those lies, those untruths. Oh, she don't really care what

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we think. You ever had somebody say that to you?

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Connie's going to do her own thing. She don't really care what we think.

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You ever had somebody say, my sister always says, Connie's going to do her thing.

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So they either adjust or they don't.

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So if you are people-pleasing person, that matters. If you're not,

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you'd be like, sometimes you've got to do it alone.

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So this week, I want you to reflect on where you have been seeking approval

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from others instead of God.

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I want you to ask yourself, who am I trying to please and why?

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How can I focus more on God's approval? Whose approval? God's approval and my decision and action.

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And I want you to write those decisions down.

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Like where you've been, like you can make a list on one side,

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God's side, people's side.

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And you can kind of see I've been seeking God approval on here and I can see

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been seeking people approval on the other side.

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And you got to find out why that's so important.

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Why? And then pretty much just switch and say, I'm going to seek God's affirmation

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over others' opinions starting today.

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Now, the people are going to be shocked because they're so used to you bowing

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down to how they feel about things.

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You don't have to be mean about it. You don't have to be cocky about it,

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like all stuck up about it.

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You just decided, and you can say it, I've decided that I'm going to follow Jesus all the way.

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I decided I'm going to scroll over the decrees again.

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I decided that I will seek God's approval and trust Him with purpose for my life.

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I decided, I decree, that I'm going to root my identity in Christ.

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And I have decided that I will be standing boldly for God's truth.

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I guarantee you that they're going to be like, dang, you changed.

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I want to follow Jesus now.

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And you're going to find yourself more steady.

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More steady because trying to please people is a little.

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I'm thinking of a little offsetting in a sense Because when you don't know what

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they want, then you're spending a lot of time buying clothes you can't afford,

00:24:07.064 --> 00:24:10.984
cars you can't afford, stuff you can't afford, being somebody you're not.

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So you're not really yourself out in public or at your job or at your church

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because you're trying to please the people.

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But when you focus on pleasing God, things shift.

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So I really would like to hear how that really works. I really want to know.

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But I want to close it out in prayer because it's time.

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Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding us that your approval is all we need.

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Forgive us for the times we sought validation from others instead of trusting you.

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Help us to embrace our identity in Christ and to boldly live according to your

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will, no matter what others think.

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Thank you, Lord God. We will seek your kingdom first, your approval first.

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Teach us to prioritize your voice above all else and to mute out others, Lord.

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And we thank you for that. In Jesus' name, amen.

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Once again, I'd like to thank you for joining me on this episode of The Games We Play With God.

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If today's message resonated with you, share it with others.

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Share it with someone who needs it. And subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes.

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Until next time, stay confident, stay bold, stay rooted, and always seek the

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approval of God and be blessed.