The Single Life: Ep. 7: The Danger of Misusing Singleness: Freedom or Bondage?

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Welcome to the Diary of a Black Woman podcast, where we pray bold prayers,

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walk in bold faith, and expect a bold God to show up.

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I'm your host, Connie Morris, and we open every episode with the same unshakable

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confidence Jabez had in 1 Chronicles 4.10.

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Lord, bless me indeed, enlarge my territory.

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Let your hand be with me. Keep me from evil and keep me from causing pain.

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And the Bible says, God granted his request.

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So if you're here today, get ready, because we're praying big,

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believing big, and walking in everything God promised. Let's begin.

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Welcome to Diary of a Black Woman. Welcome back.

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I'm your host, Connie Morris, and we are continuing our single life devotional series.

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In our last episode, we spoke about you are not missing out.

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We went in detail about FOMO, the fear of missing out, and how God has plans

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for you and that in his timing, it shall come to pass.

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And today we are in episode seven.

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The episode is called The Danger of Misusing Singleness.

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And this one does require honesty. So let's get to it.

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Our anchor scripture today is found in Galatians 5.13.

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And it reads, You, my brothers and sisters, you are called to be free,

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but do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh.

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We went through flesh versus spirit and one of the episodes,

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a couple episodes back, go ahead and re-listen to that one about the power of

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the spirit versus the power of the flesh.

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Many times when we misuse our singleness, we end up being held in bondage.

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So freedom without discipline leads to bondage.

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Let's look at some other supporting scripture.

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1 Corinthians 6.12 tells us that everything is permissible for me,

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but not everything is beneficial.

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Many times people say, I'm single, I can do what I want. Well,

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you can, but is it beneficial?

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1 Corinthians 15.33 tells us bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15.

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James 1.18 tells us a double-minded man or woman is unstable in all their ways.

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And finally, Galatians 6.7, it says, Do not be deceived. God is not mocked.

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A man reapeth what he sowes. Devotional insight.

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Singleness gives you something powerful. Freedom. Freedom of time.

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Freedom of movement. Freedom of decision. Freedom of focus.

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But freedom without discipline can become dangerous because there is no structure,

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no boundaries, no submission to God.

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Freedom can quickly turn into misuse.

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Misuse. On real life example here, I said, you say, I'm just enjoying life.

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I'm not ready to settle down.

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God knows my heart, but your lifestyle includes multiple emotional connections.

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Casual sex or blurred boundaries, entertaining people without discernment,

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no consistent spiritual discipline, prioritizing attention, validation, or pleasure.

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On the surface, it looks like freedom, but over time, emotional confusion.

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Social soul ties and attachment, loss of clarity, decreased sensitivity to conviction.

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Cycles of the same pattern.

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Bible tells us, do not be deceived. A man reaps what he sows, Galatians 6-7.

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What is repeated becomes a cycle, and what is not corrected becomes a pattern.

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What this is, this is not freedom. This is bondage in disguise,

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because anything you cannot walk away from, anything that controls your decisions.

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Anything that overrides your discernment is no longer something you are enjoying.

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It's something that is controlling you.

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Spiritual reality, not everything that is available is beneficial.

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Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything

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1 Corinthians 6.12. This is the standard. Not, can I do this,

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but is this mastering me? The subtle drift.

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Misusing singleness does not usually happen all at once. It happens gradually.

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Compromise becomes comfort. Comfort becomes routine. And routine becomes identity.

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And over time, what once felt wrong begins to feel normal.

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Influence of environment. Bad company corrupts good character.

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1 Corinthians 15, 33. Who you are around matters.

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Conversation shapes thinking.

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Environments influence behavior and exposure normalizes what you once resisted.

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This is why discernment is necessary.

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Not every environment is safe.

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Not every connection is beneficial.

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Double-minded living. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1, 8.

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This looks like wanting God, but also wanting compromise.

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Seeking truth, but entertaining confusion. And praying for clarity,

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but ignoring conviction.

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This creates instability because you cannot move forward while you are divided within yourself.

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The modern phrase versus biblical truth.

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The modern phrase says, I'm living my best life.

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The biblical reality, you may be delaying your best life.

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Because the best life is not found in constant connection, attention,

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pleasure, or temporary experiences. It's found in alignment with God, spiritual insights,

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Freedom is not the ability to do anything. True freedom is the ability to choose what is right.

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Freedom without discipline leads to bondage, but freedom with submission can

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lead to clarity, peace, stability, and purpose.

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Let's do some reflections. Have I misused the freedom God has given me in this season?

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Are there patterns in my life that I have normalized but need to confront?

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What patterns are you normalizing? Is there anything in my life that has more

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control over me than it should?

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And where is God calling me to realign and make those changes?

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Let's pray. Father, in the name of Jesus, help me to use this season wisely.

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Reveal any area where I misuse the freedom you have given me.

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Break every unhealthy pattern, attachment, or cycle in my life. Excuse me.

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Strengthen me to walk in discipline, clarity, and truth.

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Let my life reflect alignment with you in every area. In Jesus' name, amen.

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I decree I will not misuse the freedom God has given me.

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I will walk in discipline, wisdom, and discernment. I am not controlled by desire,

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attention, or environment.

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I break every unhealthy pattern and cycle. I choose alignment with God over temporary pleasure.

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My life reflects clarity, stability, and purpose. Let's continue this topic,

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and let's talk about the cost of misusing singleness.

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Freedom without discipline leads to bondage.

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That should be a t-shirt, should be a bumper sticker. The foundational truth,

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misusing singleness is not just about one decision.

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It creates patterns, and patterns produce outcome. Do not be deceived.

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God is not mocked. A man reaps what he soweth.

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Galatians 6-7 Some consequences are immediate Others are gradual But all of

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them carry weight Let's talk about it Physical consequences

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unplanned or unwanted pregnancies. What feels like a moment can become a lifelong responsibility.

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Parenting without preparation, co-parenting challenges, financial and emotional

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strain, a shift in life direction.

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The prudence see danger and take refuge, but the simple keeps going and pay the penalty.

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Plans, as found in Proverbs 22.3, plans fail for lack of counsel,

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but with many advisors they succeed.

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Proverbs 11, 14.

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Sexual health risks happen that God's design protects not only spiritually, but physically.

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Flee from sexual immorality. Whoever sins.

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Sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Corinthians 6.18, you are not your

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own, therefore honor God with your bodies.

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1 Corinthians 6.9, verse 20, you see here that the foundational of sin,

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physical consequences can lead to a lot of things.

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So one physical consequences, let's talk about emotional consequences.

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Soul ties and attachments, every connection leaves and imprint.

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The two will become one flesh. Genesis 2.24.

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Do not be misled.

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Add company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15.33.

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Emotional confusion. When boundaries are unclear, confusion follows.

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For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14.33.

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Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4.23.

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So we see the second consequence is emotional.

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Third consequence is spiritual consequences.

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Desensitization to conviction, including ignoring conviction,

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becomes spiritual sensitivity over time.

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Hebrews 3.15 said, today, if you hear my voice, do not hurt your hearts.

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Ephesians 4.18-19 said, they lost all sensitivity, a distance from God,

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and creates a separation, not because God But because attention shifts,

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your iniquities have separated you from the Lord, Isaiah 59, 2.

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Draw near to God and he will draw near to you, James 4, 8.

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Fourth one is mental.

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Consequences. Distorted thinking. Repeated compromise reshape what feels normal.

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Romans 12 2 tells us, do not be conformed to the patterns of this world,

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but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

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As the FI 20 tells us, woe to those who caught good, evil good,

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and good evil. Comparison and insecurity.

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Comparison produces instability and dissatisfaction. They measuring themselves

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by themselves are not wise. Then Corinthians 10.2.

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Well, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. And then five,

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relational consequences.

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Difficulty forming healthy relationships. Unhealed patterns are often repeated.

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Above all else, guard your heart. As a man thinketh in his heart,

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so is he. Lowering your standards.

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What you tolerate becomes your standard. Bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15, 33.

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And do not give dogs what is sacred.

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Matthew 7, 6.

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Number six, identity consequences. Losing yourself in the process.

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Identity becomes blurred when it is rooted in people instead of God.

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I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Psalms 139.14 Do not be conformed, but be transformed.

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Romans 12.2 Number seven, generational consequences.

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Patterns that continue. Unaddressed patterns can carry forward.

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The sins of the parents are visited upon the children.

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Exodus 25 Train up a child in the way he should go.

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Proverbs 22.6 Spiritual legacy matters. Your decision shapes more than your present.

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They shape what follows. A good person leaves an inheritance for their children.

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The hidden cost, lost time.

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Time is one of the greatest losses ever.

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When misusing singleness. Be very careful.

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Make the most of every opportunity. Ephesians 5, 15 to 16.

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Teach us a number of days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 90 verse 12.

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Number nine, spiritual insight, why this matters.

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Misusing singleness is not just about the present moment.

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It affects your clarity, your discipline, your relationships,

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your future, your legacy.

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God boundaries are not restricted. They are protected.

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The prudence sees danger and take refuge.

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This is, I want to just kind of just do a quick review because those are powerful.

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Thinking about singleness, have you ever thought about it in this depth before?

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You know, we don't. No one tells us. And I was thinking as I was preparing this,

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and even as I'm going through it, is that I wish someone would have told me this early.

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Like, give me that choice. And so if you have children that you're raising,

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or you have a kind of authority, or you're a leader, and you have small nieces

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and nephews and grandchildren, this is so important because we want them to know.

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They can make their decision up, but we make our decision as we know for things

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we don't even know about.

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So we understand that misusing our singleness, I mentioned nine different things.

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Our physical consequences, unplanned or unwanted pregnancy, a shift in our life, sexual health risk.

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Number two, emotional consequences, soul ties and attachment,

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emotional confusion, spiritual consequences.

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Number three, desensitization to conviction, distance from God,

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our mental consequences, distorted thinking, comparison and insecurity,

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the insecurity kick in real quick.

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And then relational consequences, difficulty forming healthy relationship.

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Lowering your standards.

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Number six, identity consequences, losing yourself in the process,

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generational consequences, patterns that continue, not just in your life,

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but in the life after you, creating a spiritual.

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You want a negative spiritual legacy instead of a positive.

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The hidden cost of lost time, losing time, waiting until something happens.

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God wants us to use our beyond assignment now, right? Spiritual insight, misusing singleness.

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Remember, God gives you as a gift. But if you don't treat that gift as a gift,

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things start to get blurry.

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You lose your discipline, your relationships. Things get really kind of messed up.

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We don't want that. But I want to give you a word of truth and grace.

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This is not written to condemn you, but to reveal to you the power of your status right now.

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If any part of this reflects your life, God's grace is still available.

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He restores your soul, Psalms 23.3. It says, if we confess our sins,

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He is faithful and just to forgive us in 1 John 1.9.

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Grace restores, but it also calls for change.

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So you confess your sins and you want to get right back in line with God.

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Just get on your knees and pray, Lord, help me. I remember saying that prayer

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as a person who had not been in church a long time.

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I was just a reader of knowledge and I was reading about the women in the Bible.

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And it's a devotional, women of the Bible devotional.

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And I was reading all the good, bad, and ugly women. But each one of those,

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whether they were good, bad, or ugly, in a sense of attitude or character.

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God had his hand on each one of them.

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And then I realized that what happened to me as a single woman,

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having two kids out of wedlock, that, ha, God, how can you use me?

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I remember getting on my hands and knees, asking him, Lord, I apologize. I repent.

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I want to be used by you. And I remember just crying because I felt his presence into the room.

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And so I want you to know that wherever you are now in your single life,

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it's good, bad, or ugly doesn't really matter.

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If you get on your knees and if you pray to the God of the heavens and ask him

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to, and you confess your sins because it continues that he is just and faithful

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to forgive us of our sins.

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And then begin to walk in alignment with what you are caught at this moment.

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You may be single at this moment, but that's not your future.

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But God wants you to accomplish everything.

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In his relationship with him. So at the end, you know, you ask why, Lord?

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So that he can get the glory. He can get the honor. And when that man meets

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you, he can say, I am blessed.

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Why? Because you are prepared to take care of your husband.

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But when we misuse it, it does cause us confusion, right?

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Complications, consequences. We've all been there. But when singleness is stewarded

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well, it produces clarity, discipline, healing, preparation.

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You are not just living for the moment. You are building your life,

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your patterns, your future.

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The wise store of knowledge, Proverbs 10, 14, and every decision matters.

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The blessing of singleness is what I have coming up next.

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And when we honor God with our body, because we are not our own,

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I want to go into you what God gave me, the scripture,

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to show like, hey, when you honor me in this season, when you honor being single,

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you honor what your assignment is, that God has blessings for you for the season.

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And we're going to get into that. And that'll be my bonus episode.

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And that'll be probably our final, my final time with the single life.

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I hope it's been a blessing.

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I hope it's challenged you. I hope you can apply what you have learned and take

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it back to God and reflect on it. Don't rush through it.

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Take a moment to just listen to it again and say, I missed that part. I missed that part.

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But I'm your host, Connie Morris, and this is the Diary of Black Women podcast.

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And I will see you on our final episode, the bonus one, the blessings of singleness. Until next time.

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Family, thank you for spending this time with me today. To every woman listening

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who has ever felt hidden, overlooked, or pushed aside, I want you to hear me clearly.

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God has not forgotten you, and neither have I.

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That's why I moved everything to our new home on pod page, so you would have

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one place to connect with me, read the devotionals, listen to the podcast,

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and reach out whenever you need to.

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If you want to leave me a message, send an email, or simply find encouragement,

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it's all there at diaryofablackwomanllc.com.

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And if this podcast has blessed you and you want to support the work I'm doing,

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you'll find a buy me, a coffee link on the site as well.

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No pressure, just love and community.

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Before we leave, I want to speak the word that I close with every time because

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somebody needs this reminder today. It comes from Jeremiah 29 11 14.

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I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and

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not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future, then you will call upon

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me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.

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You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

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I will be found by you, declares the Lord.

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Beloved, God has a plan for your life, a real one, a good one,

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and as long as you keep seeking him, you will find him even from the hidden places.

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I love you. I'm praying for you, and I'll meet you next time.