"Breaking Free from the Blame Game: A Journey to Accountability"

0:00 Hello, hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to the Diary of Black Women Podcast. I'm your host, Connie Morris, and I'm thrilled to have you join me for another episode in our series, The Games We Play With God. In today's episode, the game of blaming others. It's a game as old as humanity itself, pointing fingers and shifting responsibilities to avoid accountability. I like it. It's a game of pointing fingers and shifting responsibility to avoid accountability. While it might feel more effortless at the moment, blaming others prevent growth, healing, and restoration.

0:45 We explore the story of Adam and Eve who play this game in the Garden of Eden and discuss how we take responsibility and move forward in grace. If you ever struggle with blaming others for your mistakes, guess what? This episode is for you. Now, let's talk about Adam and Eve and the blame game. So let's turn to Genesis 3, verses 11 through 13. And this incident happened after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and when God confronted them, when God made the correction. And he said, because Adam was hiding, they were hiding from God.

1:30 And so, and Adam yelled out, how come you're hiding? He says, because we're naked. And God says, who told you you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from? The man said, the woman you put me here, here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it. Then the Lord God said to the woman, what is this you have done? The woman said, the serpent deceived me and I ate. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, neither took full responsibility for their action. And as a result, they face the consequences of their disobedience.

2:14 So blaming, okay, let's just pause here, because we know that the fruit did not just, was forced in their mouth. No one was held hostage and forced to eat the fruit. We know that Eve grabbed the fruit, that the devil made a suggestion. Eve took the suggestion, took a bite, and gave some to her husband, and he took a bite. And then God says, remember, if God saw looking at Abel and Cain's offering, you know he was there already. So he had the answer before he gave them the test. Here we go.

2:55 So blaming others delay personal accountability and creates barriers in our relationship with God and others. So I'm trying to understand Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent, neither took for responsibility. Let's keep going. Are there areas in your life where you keep shifting the blame instead of owning your actions? Why do we blame others? It often comes down to fear, pride, or avoidance. Here's what it looks like. One, we fear consequences. Consequences. We blame to avoid punishment or fallout from our actions. Pride.

3:38 We admit fog. Emitting fog can feel like a blow to our ego, so we deflect instead. So we deflect. Lack of accountability. Taking responsibility requires humility and vulnerability, which can be uncomfortable. So why do we blame others? Fear of consequences, pride, and lack of accountability. Matthew 7.3 says it best. It says, why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plaint in your own eye? Blaming others keep us focused outward instead of inward, where true growth begins.

4:20 What are the consequences of blaming others? Blaming others might feel like an easy way out, but here are the serious consequences. Number one, it damages relationships. Blame, the blame game creates a division and it wears trust between people, right? Especially if you're both there. You both knew the responsibility would happen, but yet you blame each other. That's kind of like the way the criminals do, right? The bad boys. He did it, he did it, he did it, he did it. Actually, you sat at the planning table and you planned it. You just happen to get busted. They separate you.

5:01 And now they're pinning each one against each other. When we're in reality, we both plan this out. And so it damages relationships. It hinders growth. Without accountability, we miss opportunity to learn and grow. And what would it be like if you said, well, yeah, I did eat the fruit. Well, we know you ate the fruit because God saw you eat the fruit. What would it change? I don't know. So what would have changed in the garden when God called them and said, you know, Lord, can you forgive us? We did eat the fruit. Would that change anything? I just wonder, with honesty, would it change anything?

5:44 Because he asked them, why are you hiding? Where are you, Adam? He said, we're hiding because we're naked. And then God says, well, who told you you were naked? What happened if he was standing there naked and just says, Lord, we did something wrong. We're going to need your help. I wonder if that had changed anything. And number three, a strained relationship with God. Blame shows a lack of repentance, which can hinder our spiritual connection. So we see here, blaming others, damaged relationships, It hinders our growth, and it puts a strained relationship with God.

6:27 But we can get it straight, according to 1 John 1, 9, get it right, right back relationship with God. It says, according to 1 John 1, 9, it says, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. That means that if we just come to him and we confess our sins, that he is faithful and he is just and he will forgive us. So taking responsibilities opened the door for God's forgiveness and restoration. So how do we even break free from blaming others? Because we see that God will forgive us, but how do we stop, break free from pointing the fingers at each other?

7:11 Breaking free from blame, the blame game requires intentional steps. Here's how to do it. You acknowledge your role. Be honest with yourself and God about your actions. Lamentations 340 says, let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord. I like that. It says, let us just kind of self-reflect what just happened here. I'll commit something Adam could have done, something Cain could have done, right? Let us just stop and let's reflect here. What just happened here? Even in the argument that you have with a friend, a neighbor.

7:52 A foe, or whoever, what just happened here? Why are we, well, okay, that was my fault. We acknowledged our fault. I'm sorry. I was upset. Maybe I called you out of your name or whatever that incident got started. So we want to examine our way. And when we want to return to the Lord, we want to repent and just turn back to God and get it right. Number two, seek forgiveness. Ask forgiveness from God and those affected by your action. James 5, 16 reads. God always has a way of getting us back together.

8:33 He's not the author of division or confusion. So we admit our role, we seek forgiveness, and number three, we commit to growth. We use the mistake as an opportunity to learn and to grow in Christ. Not that I have already obtained all this or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on and take hold of what Christ Jesus took hold of. And so we have this commitment to grow. This is such a powerful tool and we can use it in our everyday life, right? And that's what the Bible is. It's our tool for life. It's our instruction book for life. So we acknowledge our role.

9:20 So we be honest with God about our actions. So we examine our ways and we just let Lord and test them and return to the Lord. We seek forgiveness. We ask forgiveness from God. And those affected by our actions, and then we take that mistake, and we learn, and we grow from it. So let's take some decrees here. It says, let's declare some truths together to embrace accountability and let go of blame. I think if we ever can do that as an individual, as a couple, even as a nation, I think things will be better, right? So I decree that I will take responsibility from my actions and seek God's forgiveness.

10:04 I decree that I will approach challenges with humility, learning and growing from my mistakes. And I decree that I will build trust by being honest and accountable in my relationships. So for this week, areas where you blame others instead of owning your actions, I think this can happen too, even if you had like a child, a terrible childhood. And sometimes even as we grow up into a dust and our life is still not quite right, we want to still blame our parents. But there's a point as we grow up that we have to take responsibility for our actions. And so if you're still blaming your mom or your dad or somebody, we have to pretty much say, you know, okay, I'm an adult now.

10:53 I need to take responsibility from here. Yeah, they did something terrible to me, but I got to take responsibility from here. What can I do differently, take responsibility for my mistake? And how can I seek forgiveness and rebuild and trust in my relationships? How can we do that? How can I just start this thing over and stop blaming others? Sometimes it's an automatic thing. We want to take that blame off of us. And my dad did this. So that's why my dad smoked weed, so I'm going to smoke weed. or my dad did this. So we are in that generation where we want to push the responsibility off of ourselves, take the spotlight off of us and put it on maybe someone else so that we don't have to grow up in a sense.

11:45 But a lot of times, many times we need to stop blaming others for our stupidity and just go with the flow and just say, okay, it's time for me to grow up. It's time for me to grow up. There was a time in my life for, I was pretty much, and that's why I can say this, as an adult, had a terrible childhood. It wasn't that terrible. It was terrible enough. And I was just doing the stuff that really didn't make sense. I was young, just doing stuff that didn't make sense. But then I became of age, and I was still doing childish things. But then I was like, well, you know, I had a bad childhood, so I'm going to just blame it on that. But I made an effort to try to make good with my dad, who has now passed.

12:31 And I said, I'm going to make it good with my dad. And I just made an effort. Not that it was perfect, but I did my part in that relationship. Not that he changed or anything. I just made it my effort to change the way I saw him. He was older. What I did for him, respect and honor him, like the Bible said, and just did my part. So when he passed, I wasn't the one making a big fuss. I just did as I was... Do. I honored him when he was alive. And when he passed, it was such a freeing thing because I did what I was supposed to do when he was alive.

13:12 I didn't have that regret that I didn't do what I was supposed to do, that I should have did it when he was alive. So if you have a parent, a sister or a brother that may have done you wrong, and you're still blaming that person for some things, yeah, they have done you wrong. They probably really have done you wrong. And there's no reason that they might have even done you wrong. They're probably still doing you wrong. But at the point, you just have to say, I'm going to just forgive you. I'm going to let that go. I'm no longer going to take responsibility for that.

13:55 I'm not going to hold that against you and I'm going to move on with my life. That's a big burden to do that. It was a big burden for me to do that. But when I did that, it just felt freeing. It was no longer this heavy burden that I carry. I don't know how to explain it. And so a lot of times we have to approach it in humility and not expect a change in their reaction. That's the thing. When I went to my dad, I didn't expect him to change. I expect, of course, we expect him to change, to go in that embrace that we see in the movies that didn't happen in real life. He said, get away from me. I don't want you to talk to me. But yet, I supplied him with the things he needed. He was an older, my dad still.

14:39 Yeah, he was still the same mean dad that he was. when, you know, he wasn't always mean, but as he got older, he got meaner, but he was still my dad, regardless of his attitude and his feelings towards me, for some reason, was not of love as he was when he was, when he was, you know, living in a home, but I still treated him with the honor and respect and the things that he needed. And, and, and he, every time it was like, he was fussing and always fussing with me. I would take him what he needed, stick up for him when I needed to be, you know, because I'm still the oldest, the eldest of the family. And I just took my responsibility and I just took the fuss and I didn't, he wanted to fuss. I just like, I'm not going to fuss with you, dad.

15:26 My goal is to honor you. I have to honor you. And sometimes, and that honor doesn't always come with authority. That honor back. And so we always want that movie relationship that they show us in the movies. And I don't know who made that movies up, but that don't usually happen. And until he died, he was still fussing with me. But on his death, he was still honored by me because of my relationship with God. That's the hardest part. And so I took my responsibility, whichever that res with maybe the dishonor when I was mad at him and didn't speak to him for years.

16:07 But then I came back and helped him. And I don't know if I asked for forgiveness, but I treated him with honor and respect. And so in that practical challenge I want you to do, that's why I share that with you. So if identify an instance when you've shifted the blames recently, like instead of saying like, I'm not going to talk to you because you didn't talk to me. Just change that. I'm going to reach out to you whether you reach out to me or not. Maybe you want to apologize for the people involved or commit to taking accountability for different things. Sometimes we do play a part in these relationships, not the Adam and Eve part because you saw that relationship was different.

16:54 It was Adam. Adam could at any time sit up and said, that he knew the rules and he could have knocked the apple, orange, whatever that Eve was. Knocked the curiosity out of her hand, right? But Adam blamed Eve and that's how that story goes. So it's in that generational thing that happens in our lives that Adam did not stick up for Eve at that time. So Eve took it upon herself to be the sampler of the fruit. But then Eve didn't take responsibility either. He blamed it on the devil, right? And so at one point in our life, we have to take what's our responsibility.

17:36 Our responsibility is whatever that part is, stop shifting the blame, apologize, take accountability, get from that and be able to move on in your life. I just want to say it's freeing. It's not going to be pretty. It's going Don't be messy, messy, messy, very messy. They may never turn around, even if you have to write a letter to that person. They may read the letter, and it might be one of those cheerful moments where they forgive, and you guys make up and be sisters again, brothers again. Or it might just be they might not want to talk to you ever again.

18:19 But at least you, the Bible tells us that be at peace with everyone if it's up to you. So you do your part and then let God do his part. Let's just pray. Heavenly Father, I thank you for your grace and your patience with us as we fall short. Forgive us for the times we blame others instead of taking responsibility for our actions. Teach us to walk in humility and accountability, trusting in your power to restore and grow us when we need to sometime grow up, Lord. Thank you. Help us to be honest with you, ourselves, and those around us. Help us, Lord, for those out there to take the bold step.

18:59 To handle and take accountability or take responsibility or even to write the letter or make that call to make it right in your eyes, Lord, and that you will do the rest. And I just thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. I thank you for joining me on this episode, the games we play with God. If today's message spoke with you, share with someone who needs it and subscribe so you don't miss a future episode. The next episode, game number 17, is a game of doubting God's promises.

19:41 So until next time, stay honest, stay humble, take responsibility, take accountability, take the first steps, and be blessed. Amen.