Overcoming the Comparison Trap: Lessons from Cain and Abel

0:00 Bingo. Hello and welcome back to Diary of a Black Woman podcast. I'm your host Connie Morris and today we're diving into another insightful episode in our series of games we play with God. Oh yes, it keeps going. It's like the ever ready bunny. These episodes are so good to me and I hope they are good to you. Today's episode is titled, The Games of Comparing Ourselves to Others. Ouch! Whether it's on social media, at work, in our ministry, comparison can rob us of joy and distort our sense of purpose.

0:42 Instead of embracing who God created us to be, we get caught up trying to measure up to others. We explore, today we'll explore the story of Cain and Abram, familiar story, to see how comparison led to jealousy, sin, and even the killing of a brother. If you ever struggle with comparing yourself to others, what I always say, this episode is for you. So let's go to Genesis 4, chapter 4, verses 3 to 7, where we pick up the story of Genesis 4, verses 3 to 7, where we pick up the story of Cain and Abel.

1:31 In the course of time, Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. Abel also brought an offering, fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The rare looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering, he did not look with favor. So Cain was furious and his face was downcast. Let's notice the Lord's look. So the Lord has a look. This kind of came to me just now as I was reading this. That the Lord looked at Abel's offering, and then he looked at Cain's offering.

2:16 Let's pay attention that God is looking at how we give. He's looking at our hearts. He's looking. He's looking. He's looking. He's looking. So we see in the story of Cain and Abel that God has a look that he gives when you obey, and he has a look that he gives when you disobey, right? And so Cain moved that he disobeyed. That's the thing. It says here in that latter part of the verse, it says, The Lord looked with favor on Abel in his offering, but in Cain in his offering, he did not look with favor. So Cain was furious and his face was downcast.

2:59 So he knew right away that God did not like his offering. So what could he have done? He could have said, Lord, how can I make this offering better for you? How could I make this offering better for you? But no, it's frustrated. Furious is frustrated, right? He says, Lord, why don't you like my offering? And he had an opportunity if you continue reading. It says, sin lays at the door. So we had an opportunity to make it right. The title of this one is comparing ourselves to others. So we get a chance to make it right.

3:40 Comparison leads to what? Jealousy, resentment, and actions that pulls us further from God's will. So where in life are you allowing comparison to steal your joy? So here's this comparison with Cain and Abel. The comparison was Cain knew that God didn't want his offering. He could have said, hey, Abel, could you give me some fresh? I can do some biting with you, give you some fresh herbs for one of those lambs, you know, so I can get my offering right with God. Because immediately he knew it wasn't right because immediately it said he, like it didn't say immediately, but he knew that it wasn't right because there was a reaction to not having it right.

4:31 I'm just saying, y'all, you know, we, in our hearts, we know that we're so connected with God that when we don't do something right, that we know it wasn't right. So how do we make it right? How do we make it right? Where in your life are you allowing comparison to steal your joy? Comparison is more than a bad habit. It's a spiritual trap. Here are some of the dangers. Like you hear the sirens and lights go off. I don't have any type of effects I probably do, but I don't want to mess anything up here So it says, number one, you know it's a danger when it breeds discontentment Instead of appreciating our blessings, we focus on what others have.

5:14 You know, you're like, you have a nice car Maybe your car ain't that nice, but it's running, right? And you know you like a nice car instead of you, it's just being thankful for what you have and what you can't afford you're going to become angry and become discontent and do what? Focus on I wish I had a what do you call those I don't know all the fancy cars but a fancy car you can't afford or a fancy car you only can ride in the summer but you live in a winter state I'm just saying. Infuse jealousy like cane Comparesing can lead to envy and strained relationship.

5:56 As we see in that Bible verse, and I just saw it, it was my first time seeing it, is that Cain could have made it right. But he chose to be furious. He chose not to make it right. It says, the Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering. So apparently, they're both taking an offering to the Lord. The Lord had to look for Cain's offering. He had to look for Abel's offering. So if he looked good, he had a look of pleasing to Abel's offering, wouldn't Cain figure it out like, duh, I think I better go bring something like that that Cain has, that Abel has.

6:37 And number three, it distracts from God's purpose. We miss out on our unique calling when we're too busy to imitate someone else or we don't want to get it right because we're too prideful. So number one, danger of comparison, it breeds discontent, it fuels jealousy, it distracts from God's purpose. Galatians 6, 4 through 5 says, each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself alone without comparing yourself to someone else. For each one carries their own load. You know, Paul has a way with words.

7:18 He just says, each of you should test your own actions. Then carry pride in yourself alone without comparing yourself to someone else. Each one should carry their own load. God has a unique purpose for each of us, and comparison blinds us to the beauty of that purpose. How do we deal with that in today's time? We may not be bringing offerings to the altar like Cain and Abel, but comparison shows up in our lives in many ways. And once again, that social media scrolling, measuring your life against carefully created posts.

8:01 Like I told you, some of those posts be fake. You can tell. You can look at a post and say, dang, they had to stage that just perfectly edited, just perfectly to get you to sit there and watch that perfectly edited post. How do I know? Because if you are a creator or creator. You know what it takes to get the perfect post a lot of time, right? For them to scroll, to get that look so they can get paid. And so you're getting jealous over a video that looks like it's 37 minutes, but you know they spent about three hours at that location.

8:44 That's a lot of work, a lot of energy. Number two, career and success. Feeling inadequate because someone else got the promotional recognition. Yeah, we don't know what they're doing, though. You know, like I said, I just resigned from a job that was, like, going to require a lot of energy and time and space. And I realized that I can tell you this, right? So I'm working this job, and I'm up late trying to complete this assignment because I have a 24-hour time spot where you want to complete your, write your notes and get it in the 24-hour window. And no sooner than I submit my session notes, the person already on the other end is already approving it.

9:31 So I'm like, whoa, somebody's up this late? That's how I know that it just wasn't me thinking it was too much work. Everybody's working too much. I was just the only one who decided that that was not going to be sustainable for me. So when you're looking at someone else's promotional recognition you don't know what they're doing behind the door at 11.30 at night while you were there slaving and they had the nerve to approve something that late, were you waiting for it? I mean like wow so don't ever. Be that comparison role because you don't know what they're doing behind those doors to get the work that they're putting in the hours they're putting in People are tired, but no one's saying anything.

10:23 They're just working quietly. I don't know why I got on that note, but let's go. Spiritual gifts. Comparing your ministry, prayer life, and spiritual journey to others. This one will get you. This one will get you. All of them will get you. When you are comparing yourself to others, because what I'm doing behind closed doors, doing my podcast, nobody knows what I'm doing behind closed doors. Nobody knows when I'm up praying but you guys, no one knows I'm up praying early in the morning I'm spending my time writing my devotionals speaking during my podcast nobody knows what I'm doing so when God decides that he's going to promote me big.

11:04 No one knows that in the public eye. It's not a big, no one knows me. My name is not, not knowing on the, and it's kind of good because I'm like, being famous, I think is too much. Sometimes you just want to be lower profile. I shouldn't say that, then I'm going to go for large. But it's like, sometimes you just want to be quiet in the background, doing what God told you to do. God told you to do this, I'm doing it quietly, right? But you don't know that people, you don't know what I have to do to get what I need to get done for God. But then you get in a spot where God maybe makes your name famous, but he still requires you to do what you did privately, right? And so you're comparing apples to oranges, but you don't know the work that's required to get and to sustain that fame.

11:53 In the negative and in the positive, we find out some things are behind closed doors with the people who are famous too, right? And so don't compare yourself to what you see on a scroll. Don't compare yourself to somebody else's career and successes. And don't compare your spiritual gifts to others. Because what God has called you to do, you do that at the best that he's called you to do. Amen. Let's keep going. Ephesians 2.10. For we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for you. So you are God's handiwork. He knows what you can do for him. So do your best for him. He's your boss.

12:33 We are uniquely designed for a purpose. And no one else can fulfill what God has called us to do. So do your business. Mind your own business. Do you when you can do you. Amen. How to break free from comparison. How do you break free from this? Focus on gratitude. Thank God for your new unique blessing in your life. Give thanks to all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Thank you, Lord, for this gift. Thank you for this gift. And then now you're focusing on God and the gift he's given you. You have gratitude for what you're able to do.

13:15 You're too busy with that to be looking at somebody else's gift. Hello. Celebrate other successes. You're like, ooh, I'm glad you're good on that one because I know what it takes to get to that level. So celebrate other successes. Choose to rejoice in others instead of envying them. Romans 12, 15 reads, rejoice with others. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with thirst who mourn. Say, hey, you made it to 100,000 views. Oh, hallelujah. I know you're putting in the work. I know you're putting in the work. Right? Number three, embrace your identity in Christ. Remind yourself of who you are in Christ and your unique purpose he has for you.

13:57 Psalms 139.14 tells us that I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful and I know for well. Just praise God that you are made in his image and you know you are fearfully and wonderfully made. So just thanking him that he even created you for this particular time, right? So we don't have time to be comparing ourselves to others if we're filled with gratitude, if we're celebrating others, and if we are embracing our identity in Christ. So let's do some decrees to overcome some comparison challenges. Number one, I decree that I am uniquely created and deeply loved by God.

14:41 I decree that I will celebrate others' blessings without envy or jealousy. I decree that I will focus on God's purpose for my life and walk confidently in my calling. Let's go. What are some practical things you can do? How do you keep yourself from falling in the trap of comparison? Ask yourself, how has comparison been affecting my relationship with God and others? It can get in the way. Because you're saying to God that you don't like what he created. And so I want to be more like them.

15:23 Right? And he's like, wait a minute. What about what I created you to be? What steps can I do to focus on gratitude and purpose for this week? Purpose on just being happy being you You know, a lot of We got this big It's always been around, but weight loss craze I think I don't know if it's eyelashes are new, but eyelashes You know, everything that's been out there is nothing new They just kind of revamp it, They'll say, you know, new healthy nail polish and you put it on your nails just as damaged as the other nails, the other nail gels that they have, you know. But what is a trap of comparison for you?

16:06 And why is that? What is that insecurity that you have that you want to be so, I want to be like them or better than them? I had a friend. I don't know if she's still my friend or not. I always wanted to have the biggest, the baddest, and the best. And then you look and you go like, and then she'll get it. And then she'll put it on and be that girl for that day. And then next you know, you'll find it right in the closet on the floor because it was just for that day to outdo everybody. But it really didn't really mean anything. It was that I want to be that girl for that day. You know once again you can even start a gratitude journal.

16:49 And just be thankful for what God is already doing in your life you know that could be something you can do though to stop that comparison thing and nothing you can do is you can fast some of this media stuff or start your own start something new and unique for you you know stop being a copycat start being an original. I'm going to start I'm going to close this out in prayer Heavenly Father, thank you for creating each of us uniquely with a purpose and plan only that we can fulfill. Forgive us for the times we've compared ourselves to others and allow jealousy or discontentment to take root in our heart.

17:29 Teach us to walk confidently in our identity in Christ and to celebrate the blessings of others with joy. Help us to keep our eyes on you and the unique path you've set for us. In Jesus' name, pray. Amen. Sorry about that cough. Came on suddenly. Thank you for joining me on this episode, The Games We Play With God. If today's episode encouraged you, share with a friend, subscribe, so you don't miss any future episodes. Our next episode will be game number 16, The Game of Blaming Others. So until next time, stay grateful, Stay purpose And don't compare yourself to others Start your own thing And be blessed Amen Till next time Bye bye.