Prioritize God's Voice: Overcoming the Need for Approval

0:00 Hello, family, and welcome back to the Diary of a Black Woman podcast. I'm your host, Connie Morris, and we're diving into yet another essential conversation in our series, In the Games We Play with God. Today's episode is called The Game of Seeking Approval from Others. This is one of the most common games we play, putting more weight on the opinions of people than on what God says about us. While it's natural to want connection and affirmation, seeking human approval above God's approval can lead us away from his purpose from our lives.

0:43 We'll explore the story of our famous person, King Saul, who lost his kingdom because he prioritized the approval of people over obedience to God. If you ever struggle with people-pleasing or letting others' opinion define you, this episode is for you. Wow. People-pleasing is a thing. We know that, don't we? People-pleasing is a thing. So let's go to 1 Samuel 15, verses 24 to 26. We know about Samuel. We know about, not Samuel. We know about King Saul.

1:25 We know that he just disobeyed God's commandment. But why? There was that whole pressure to disobey God. So after disobeying God's command to complete this story of the Amalekites, Saul admitted to Samuel. Then Saul said to Samuel, I have sinned. I violate the Lord's command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men, and so I gave it to them. Wow. We see here that Saul's purpose, we cover Saul in a lot of the earlier episodes about him not completely obeying God. We never got to the hidden reason why he never, that he didn't obey God.

2:09 And one of the hidden reasons we see here, I'm going to read it again. It says, I violated the Lord's command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men, and so I gave it to them. Saul sure of losing the people's approval caused him to compromise his obedience to God. This wasn't the first time Saul prioritized people over God, and it cost him his kingship. When we seek human approval over God, we compromise our integrity, our calling, and our relationship to Him. Are there areas in your life where you are compromising obedience to gain approval of others?

2:54 This is very serious, especially in the church, especially in your job. When we do things for the approval of men, especially when God has told you to do something else. There was a situation I remember as a leader at my church, and the Lord had asked me to do something, and then the pastor asked me to do something. And it was about the same thing, right? And I chose to follow not the Lord, but the pastor. And when I got home, when we talked about the correction of the Lord, the Lord corrected me.

3:36 And he says, kind of you have put this man above me. And he didn't call him a pastor. He called him the man above me. And I felt really, really bad because I knew what to do. I just didn't want to make the pastor look bad because I knew there was just a lot of stuff going on in my head. And at the end of the day, I had to make a decision because apparently the things that the pastor was doing was not correct. And the Lord was using me to cause a correction in the ministry. And it was revving things the wrong way. What happened when God does that? He doesn't cause confusion. you know, And he doesn't cause a lot of division in the ministry, but he likes things the way he likes them.

4:26 And I remember talking to the pastor about it, and he had determined to do the things his way. And so I couldn't really, like, I didn't want to cause any division, right? So I went, just kept the flow going towards the pastor's way. I know I'm kind of quiet now. But the Lord just, okay. And he gave me another opportunity, because God is like that, to get it right. And I went and I said, I did it this time. And I went and talked to my pastor. I said, this is what the Lord is showing me.

5:09 And he knew it was right. And he kind of made the correction. But that was the hardest thing that I had to do but it was the right thing to do, right? And so the correction was made and I'm like, okay. But it kept occurring so it became this more of a conflict and so then I had to make a decision and so my decision was if you know to do something right and you keep doing it wrong so why aren't you listening to God? And so the Lord pretty much said, Connie, I need you to step down from this particular part of the ministry.

5:50 And so I couldn't do that part of the ministry. I could only just be a participant that come to the church. And pretty soon, he pretty much removed me from that part of the church. And it was kind of a slow, steady move. But it was interesting. I don't know why I shared that. But this part right here is really six to my heart because... Things are happening. I don't want to go into too much detail. But seeking the approval of others is really hard when you're in. The dangers of trying to please people and God, you can get into this. You don't need to get in a conflict, but you will.

6:33 And so I'm speaking from experience, and you always want to follow God. You always want to follow God. And that means those people you're trying to prove, please, they're going to be upset, but it's going to protect them in the end. So seeking approval might seem harmless, but it's real a spiritual consequence. It distracts us from God's voice. The more we seek affirmation from others, the harder it becomes to hear God's direction. Another thing comes when you seek approval from others. If you are a preacher, because I used to preach from the pulpit. And you're always looking for the sermon to get everybody jumping and dancing around. But you never gave me those type of sermons.

7:19 Just like you don't get these type of sermons. You'll never get these type of sermons here. They're always direct to the word of God. You might get a happy one and we might be dancing for a minute. But the word God gives me are always just pure adulterated word because I guess we have enough dancing already in the pulpit, right? So he never really gives me the word that gets people dancing. And so if you are a person that likes the approval of people and God always give you this direct word, it's going to be hard for you to be like, I want the word where the spirit does fall.

8:06 It does fall. The word of God is always powerful. Whenever you speak in the word of God, the Holy Ghost does show up and confirms signs, wonders, and miracles. But it's not going to be the evangelical where you're running around the church and the music is playing. No, he doesn't give me those type of sermons. I don't get those. You know, so it's powerful. It's impactful. He just gives me the direct to the heart, get it right sermons. Like it's time for those. It's not, I don't know what I call them. And you can probably put it in the comments, how they make you feel. So it's pretty much to get it right, get it right, get it right. We have some laughs, we have some fun, but I see the word of God as a way to get it right.

8:51 And maybe because the way my career went out, I see things like people can get it right. I see people who fall off the ladder, but not because of them falling off, because no one held it up. No one guided them to help them get it right. So I feel like I'm that person. Like, people laugh at you when you fall off, but they should have been the one helping you hold the ladder up, you know, and helping you understand, like, this is how the ladder stands up. This is how you stay firm, really, with God. These are the things you do. Now, God is fun. I have fun with God. We have, oh, my gosh, just enjoying life with God is fun.

9:33 But when it comes to his word, it's serious. It's a serious time because when you already have fun with him, you got to know when to have fun with him, right? Right. Okay. Let's keep going. So when you are seeking approval from others, if you are such a people pleaser that you want everybody to like you, you're going to have some problems. Right. Because everybody ain't for everybody. So it will distract you from the word. It will distract you from hearing God's voice. Right. Because you want, you don't want to hear God's voice. You want to hear the people voice. And so he's going to allow you to hear the people's voice, whatever that voice is.

10:16 And so, like I said, I went home and that day he says, Connie, you have exalted this man or this pastor above me. And I said, how did I do that, Lord? He said, you knew what I asked you to do, but you didn't do it. And I said, I know I didn't want to cause any conflict. He says, I want you to do this now. And so I had to go have a meeting, explain something. And that was the hardest part, right? All of his heart. When God's talking to you, that's why I get that tone. Like, now I need you to do this part. And I went and talked and got it clear.

10:56 And it went back to the same way. But then it removed me from that equation. So you always have to follow God's voice. When you follow God's voice, the people voice is mute. If you follow the people voice, God's voice is mute. You get me? God's voice is mute when you follow people. Follow people. You can mute the people voice, but only God. Both voices will not be active in your life. Number two, when you hear the people voice and you follow people voice, it leads to compromise. People pleasing often involves doing things you know aren't right or just fit.

11:38 It's just for you to gain favor with the people. Why? Because you only get to preach. Come on, the pastor is a preacher at the church. You don't get to preach every week. You get to preach when they're on vacation or if there's an emergency. You're just not going to be up on the pulpit all the time. And so who are you going to be with most of the time? You're going to be with the people, right? And so you don't get to be on the pulpit all the time. And so if you are a people-pleasing person and you're called to the ministry, you're going to have some problems. And so that means you're going to be leaning more towards the people. Why? Because you're with the people most of the time. You're a leader, but you're with the people. And so it can lead to compromise.

12:19 And so understanding you don't want to mute God's voice as you're with the people. So you always have to find a way to not even be with the people. So sometimes it's kind of a lonely place. Come go with us here. And then your goal, it's an odd place to be when you're called to the ministry. You have to stay in a neutral space. You got the leadership. You have the, we call it the sheep. But you can't hang out with the sheep all the time. It creates insecurities. The opinions of the people are ever-changing. Hello, they are ever-changing, leaving us in constant state of striving and uncertainty. They want you to be that way. They want you to find out what they like.

13:03 So trying to be a people pleaser is always very insecure. It creates insecurity because they don't know what they want. Remember, they don't know what they want. One day they like you, one day they don't. One day they'll love you, one day they don't. Remember, my pastor says, kind of don't be on even care because the people are insecure. You'd be like, that's the truth. That's the truth. So the danger of seeking approval is it distracts you from God's voice. It leads to compromise and it creates insecurity. Galatians 1.10 says, am I trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am I trying to please people?

13:46 If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. That is what Paul says. I'm going to read it again. Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of God. So even in Galatians 1.10, even Paul realized that there is this barrier between being a people pleaser and being a servant of God. When we focus on pleasing others, we lose sight of our true purpose as servants of God. You will serve the people, but God did not say please the people. Amen.

14:31 So you're going to serve the people of God, but they're not going to always be happy. So pleasing them is not the plan. Serving them is the plan. Amen. It's always for their good. So how does this play out in the world when we seek approval for people? Modern days of seeking approval. Here are how we play games in today's world. Number one, social media validation. Posting likes, shares, or comments instead of sharing authentically. We want people to like us. We just want people to like us. And so right now we're like, dang, no one liked that video, so I got to take that down. Ooh, no one liked that comment, I got to take that down.

15:16 I'm going to drink a water here. So we live off of these likes and dislikes of people. That can cause insecurity in itself, right? And here's one, fear of criticism, avoiding what God has called us to do because we're afraid of how others might react. But God has given me a mandate that I'm going to have to do, and I know it's going to upset the carpet, the apple cart, because people see you only as one thing. And once you say, you know, I'm going to be stepping down from that, it just upsets the apple cart. But that's just how it goes. But he's told me something in January, and it's going to happen in January.

15:57 But it's like you've got to be ready for the people. Because the people are sheep, and sometimes the sheep will bite you. But you have to follow God. If you're a people-pleasing person, you can't be afraid of criticism. Conforming to the culture. Choosing what's popular over what's right to avoid standing out. God has a way of making you standing out. Everybody is gone. I think I have a picture on my website where you see a lady standing above the sheet. That's a leader. The leader is going to stand above the sheep and going to walk. She's just going to be that girl just standing above the sheep.

16:37 So one thing about seeking approval, social media validation, you don't know if it's real or not. People just kind of watch your video and just kind of put a like. They might make a comment, a bad comment. You're like, I don't know, bro, they said that. Well, you put yourself out there. It's open for criticism and then conforming to the culture. What do they want? Romans 12 tells us this, do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. So when you are not conformed to the world, then you're able to do what?

17:21 Know what's God's will. What is God's will for you? What is his good will? What is his pleasing will? what is perfect will, when you're not so caught up in it. So like I said, that picture of just standing up away from the world will help you understand what's good, what's pleasing, and what's perfect for God, approving of God, right? When we seek God's approval, we are free to live authentically and boldly in his will. I love that. No one wants to be living superficially. But some do. Here's a big one. How do we stop seeking approval from others? How do we stop that?

18:04 Ooh, how do we stop that? We stop by first spending time in prayer, in Scripture, realigning our priorities to His will. The Bible tells us in Matthew 6.33 that we have to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to us. We seek first who? his kingdom, his righteousness. So we're so caught up in him that the world don't matter. We seek first his kingdom, his righteousness, and all that other stuff that you're looking for, it's all going to be added unto you, it says in Matthew 6, 33. So we seek God's approval first.

18:46 Number two, we want to embrace your identity in Christ. In Ephesians 2, 10, it says, For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Whose work? God's work. Whose handiwork? God's handiwork. Embrace your identity in Christ. So it's not the people identity. Let's get it right. Don't get it twisted. Embrace God's identity in Christ. Your identity in Christ. So whose work? God's handiwork. Created in who? Jesus. To do what? His good work. Where and why? Because he prepared for you in advance.

19:29 So if you get caught up in pleasing people, you miss this. You miss God's approval. You miss getting all these things that had it to you. Come on now. You miss knowing that you're God's handiwork. You know, if I would have been prepared for you. And one more thing, one more thing. You develop boldness to stand for God. When you practice saying yes to God and no to anything that conflicts to his plans, you can just practice that. And Proverbs 29, 25 says it the best. It says, the fear of man will prove to be a snare for whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

20:11 The fear of man will prove to be a snare. Why? Because they're so bold. They don't know what they want. They're wishy-washy. Wishy-washy means one day they like you, one day they don't. But whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. So, who do you love? I love Jesus. Who approval do you seek? I seek God's approval. Who identity you have is in Christ. Whose handiwork is God's handiwork. Amen. And so, when you know who you are and whose you are and who approval you seek, You is able to stand in boldness for God. Let's get some decrees for God's approval. I decree that I will seek God's approval to align our hearts.

21:00 I'm sorry. I decree that I seek God's approval but all else, trusting his purpose for my life. Whose approval? God's approval. I decree that my identity is rooted in Christ, not in the opinions of others. Whose identity? Christ's identity. I decree that I will barely stand for God's truth when it is unpopular. Whose truth? God's truth. So when you have that foundation, people will, they will know not to mess with you. Can I just say that, right? You know, they'll say, don't mess with Connie because she ain't going for that okie-dok, right? Okie-dok mean that those lies, those untruths. Oh, she don't really care what we think. You ever had somebody say that to you?

21:45 Connie's going to do her own thing. She don't really care what we think. You ever had somebody say, my sister always says, Connie's going to do her thing. So they either adjust or they don't. So if you are people-pleasing person, that matters. If you're not, you'd be like, sometimes you've got to do it alone. So this week, I want you to reflect on where you have been seeking approval from others instead of God. I want you to ask yourself, who am I trying to please and why? How can I focus more on God's approval? Whose approval? God's approval and my decision and action. And I want you to write those decisions down.

22:28 Like where you've been, like you can make a list on one side, God's side, people's side. And you can kind of see I've been seeking God approval on here and I can see been seeking people approval on the other side. And you got to find out why that's so important. Why? And then pretty much just switch and say, I'm going to seek God's affirmation over others' opinions starting today. Now, the people are going to be shocked because they're so used to you bowing down to how they feel about things. You don't have to be mean about it. You don't have to be cocky about it, like all stuck up about it.

23:10 You just decided, and you can say it, I've decided that I'm going to follow Jesus all the way. I decided I'm going to scroll over the decrees again. I decided that I will seek God's approval and trust Him with purpose for my life. I decided, I decree, that I'm going to root my identity in Christ. And I have decided that I will be standing boldly for God's truth. I guarantee you that they're going to be like, dang, you changed. I want to follow Jesus now. And you're going to find yourself more steady. More steady because trying to please people is a little.

23:56 I'm thinking of a little offsetting in a sense Because when you don't know what they want, then you're spending a lot of time buying clothes you can't afford, cars you can't afford, stuff you can't afford, being somebody you're not. So you're not really yourself out in public or at your job or at your church because you're trying to please the people. But when you focus on pleasing God, things shift. So I really would like to hear how that really works. I really want to know. But I want to close it out in prayer because it's time. Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding us that your approval is all we need.

24:38 Forgive us for the times we sought validation from others instead of trusting you. Help us to embrace our identity in Christ and to boldly live according to your will, no matter what others think. Thank you, Lord God. We will seek your kingdom first, your approval first. Teach us to prioritize your voice above all else and to mute out others, Lord. And we thank you for that. In Jesus' name, amen. Once again, I'd like to thank you for joining me on this episode of The Games We Play With God. If today's message resonated with you, share it with others.

25:19 Share it with someone who needs it. And subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. Until next time, stay confident, stay bold, stay rooted, and always seek the approval of God and be blessed.